Chewy Tri-Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies

Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

I like to start out in the depths of despair and then end up hanging the moon. So in the interest of breaking you down before miraculously building you back up again, I shall start with the less-than-perfect nutritional information for this recipe. These are NOT low fat, low calorie or low sugar cookies. Wait! STAY!!

Quickly....before the shackles of nutritional depression take permanent hold, let me share with you the good news about this recipe. And then you shall love me once again. Swears.

First of all, by using the Pythagorean Theorem and Newton's Law of Gravity, I have established that these cookies are 80% whole grain. Don't hold me to my calculations or take me to court over it however. Do your own homework but for the love of Mike, do NOT use pi in the equation at any time or you'll screw up the nutritional info entirely (it's because of the crust, you know.)

Secondly, the use of dark and bittersweet chocolate makes these cookies high in flavoniods. I don't make these words up folks, I promise. Why would I use a word that sounds like a second-cousin-once-removed from hemorrhoids? But I digress. Flavoniods keep cholesterol from gathering in blood vessels, reduce the risk of blood clots, and slow down the immune responses that lead to clogged arteries. Have I reassured you that these cookies are OK to eat? I hope so, because they're mighty tasty.


Chewy Tri-Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies (makes about 6 dozen)

1 1/2 cups butter-flavored vegetable shortening (I used butter-flavored Crisco)
2 2/3 cups (packed) light brown sugar
4 large eggs, beaten
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
3 1/2 cups oatmeal
8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, grated
8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate chips
8 oz. milk chocolate chunks

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In medium bowl, combine flours, baking soda and salt. Set aside.

In large mixing bowl, beat shortening and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Scrape down beaters. Beat in the flour mixture. Slowly add in the oatmeal on lowest setting. Stir in all the chocolate by hand.

Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake for 10-12 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool on baking sheets for a minute or two before removing to a cooling rack to cool completely.

P.S. Thanks for hanging in there with me. It felt REALLY REALLY good to bake and blog today.

Christmas 2011... This About Sums It Up

A Post From Wes

It's been a LONG year folks. I apologize once again for my lack of regular and consistent communication, but my heart just hasn't been into my blog. I want to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers throughout this year and wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

The main reason for this post was to make sure that this Facebook post of my son's didn't get lost forever in the depths of Facebook archives. It meant so much to me when he posted it on Halloween and I'm just now getting around to adding it to my blog. I really don't mean to be so morbid during this holiday season, but my life lately has seem to become a little bit of a mission to leave my fingerprint somewhere, anywhere, for my grandson (and future grandchildren?) to see. Thank you Wes for writing this love letter.
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Most people think of October 31st as Halloween and until recently, I did too. When is Halloween 2 on AMC? Which 1980s wrestler should I dress up as? How much candy can I eat before my wife says “stop it Wes, you’re embarrassing yourself?” These were all questions I asked myself leading up to Halloween. That is until earlier this year when my mom, Marge Lauer, learned that she had breast cancer…now I think of October 31st as the last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. But more than that, it’s a day that I would like to use to honor my mom and the battle she has fought over the past several months.


I’ll be the first to tell you that I am not a mama’s boy. If fact, I don’t call my mom nearly enough and talk to her less than my wife does. This is not because I don’t love my mom or because I am terrible son…it’s because I am very lazy person. And when I do write these types of commendations, they’re usually about my dad. But my mom has shown nothing but strength and courage since receiving life-altering news that would cause me to curl up in the fetal position and listen to Radiohead (a truly miserable band) for several weeks and that deserves some recognition. Because I may be too lazy to call my mother, but I’m not too lazy to post something on Facebook (it’s all about generational preferences…and yes, I just categorized myself in a younger generation than I deserve to be in).


I’ll never forget hearing the news; my wife told me (go figure) right before I went out to cut the grass. As I was mowing, I teared up between songs on my iPod (it’s a very odd feeling crying to Ice Cube's Check Yo Self). I got through it though and went about my day. But I kept thinking about it and thought so bad for my mom. If I was taking it that bad, how was she reacting? Anyone who knows my mom knows that she can be a little emotional…she must have been a wreck, right? And then I saw her and she was handling it better than I would have ever imagined. She was calm and even made jokes about it. She had a sense of motivation that I had never seen from her before. After 30+ years of smoking, she quit prior to finding out she had cancer and hasn’t had a cigarette in 10 months. And as part of her recovery, she is dieting and much more active now that she is done with radiation. These are life changes that are difficult for anyone, especially a cancer survivor (I know if I were in that situation, I’d throw myself a pity party and probably eat a whole bunch of Halloween candy…I’d quickly resemble Jonah Hill before he lost all that weight and started to look like an alien). But I digress.


All of this has made me realize that after years of wanting to be like my dad and giving my mom a hard time over her quirks, I had it all wrong. I still love my dad and hope to be the father that he has been to me. But when I need inspiration, I now look at my mom. So before we get dressed up and hand out candy tonight, please think of someone in your life who has been affected by cancer. And remember that even though Breast Cancer Awareness Month ends today, we can always honor those struck by this disease and should do so more than just one month a year. For me, that means calling my mom more.

I Hate Thanksgiving Clean-Up!! (and my go-to turkey recipe)

Sheer brilliance, you say? Of course it is, unless you're one of those sticklers who sit there and count up the minutes (hours) it took me to wrap this rack and pan. But you know what? When you're scrubbing the caramelized crap off of your turkey rack and pan, I'll be three glasses of wine ahead of you.... in my lazy boy recliner. Hell yeah.


(Edited post-Thanksgiving to remember how I made it this year. Easiest ever and most moist turkey to date)

325 degrees. Washed and patted turkey dry. Rubbed with canola oil and seasoned with Montreal Steak Seasoning. Place turkey in oven and dumped 2 1/2 quarts of chicken broth into bottom of the pan and added a stick of butter. Roasted for one hour and then started basting turkey and turning pan around every half hour until turkey was nicely browned on top. Covered just the top loosely and continued to baste/bake until turkey was done.

11/11/11 = 33 Years Of Marriage

Happy Anniversary Dave. I love you (even more than my wine.)

For Your Consideration (Volume 1)

If you occasionally need to dole out an insult, it's OK to call your dog a "son-of-a-bitch." It's not only reaffirming that he does indeed have a mother, it's a way of calming your nerves after you've tripped over his toys which he always places right in front of the stove. EVERY. DANG. DAY.

What am I eating these days? Do you really want to know? Because it looks like this:

I'm back on the South Beach diet and have lost 13 pounds in one month. I am slowly incorporating grains back into my menu at this point and I find that when I stay away from wheat and oats, I'm more able to control my hunger. This particular recipe uses barley and can be found here. I made a few changes, like subbing turkey breast for ground beef and I didn't use zucchini, but I think you'll be able to get the general idea. And for those of you who remember that I'm not a fruit lover, you might be pleased to find out that I'm forming a new attitude by selecting fruits that aren't so sweet..... blackberries, blueberries, Granny Smith apples, etc.

ELEVEN months today. Anyone remember what happened to me? You'll get extra credit and a huge HUG if you remember.

And last, but certainly not least, a few photos of the buster boy, Gavin. Not flattering at all, but it's all part of the journal journey, right?




And some sweet Halloween pictures just to let you know he's still Grandma's little pumpkin.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Pretend he's a black cat. Pretend he's scary. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

(Hubby and I sleep on a grass mat out in the garage. We're just thankful he lets us live here.)