Thursday, April 14, 2011

Intestinal Fortitude.....A Love Poem

In the interest of proving to you that I am more than just another pretty face who can cook, I thought I'd let you know that I am also a published poet. And while I wish that I could say that I wrote this when I was a 12 year old (boy, even) I tapped this one out about ten years ago during the dregs of menopause. What do you think? Should I have kept my "talent" to myself and boosted my self-esteem through another means? Perhaps pottery? Or maybe macrame?

(Sharing stuff like this with you sometimes makes me wish I had a day job to not quit.)

Intestinal Fortitude..... by Maggie Lauer

When I itch for you and suffer so from yearning,
You're like Preparation H to soothe the burning.
As you work like Sigmund Freud on my mental hemorrhoid,
The epitome of 'shrink', I'm quickly learning!

When my mind feels so frustrated, I could shout!
You're like Ex-lax as you help me get it out.
Such a perfect remedy for my irregularity,
You so gently keep me going, there's no doubt!

When my heart is aching, gushing from the hurt,
You're like Pepto Bismol shutting off the squirt.
With this loose interpretation, I'll show my appreciation...
And give thanks for all the messes you divert!

15 comments:

mirinblue said...

Haaa haaa haaa hah aha hah!

JudyG said...

that's awesome! made me laugh, made my day. moar moar!

burntloafer said...

Errr - um. Well...

...My Darling Bride just went through menopause a while ago; otherwise, that poem might not have made sense to me.

Your gender is so brave!

Anonymous said...

Someone should publish a compilation of all the goofy things we women have said and done while in the throes of menopause. It could even be a monologue, like that other well-known one I hesitate to name here, in mixed company. Call the new one "The Menopause Monologues". It's funnier than naming one's private parts using slutty words, right? Your poem is a hoot.

The Mom Chef said...

I'm just starting through this wonderful female change and I well understand your poem. I'm not sure if you're talking about a person or Lexapro though (Hubby calls it the happy family pill). :)

Nanan said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - Opps - I'm having a hot flash - gotta run!

Barbara @ Modern Comfort Food said...

Lordy Mags, you're letting it all hang out here. I just love your blog (and you)! Strangely, I don't recall a single hot flash or other problem during menopause; perhaps because I was already such a hot headed grumpy Gus that I didn't notice.

From the Kitchen said...

What a hoot! I'm rolling in the floor with laughter! I'm so happy to know that you are more than just a pretty face!!

Best,
Bonnie

Moogie said...

You're so crazy. Menopause is not for wimps.

Shelby said...

LOL. I see what I have to look forward to. ;)

M.J. Jacobsen said...

Ha! You said it all! (and quite brilliantly too!)

Katrina said...

I'm 41 and kinda ready to get that stage of life over with. ;)
Awesome poetry! Thanks for the laugh.

Debbie said...

Going through menopause at the moment....you are too funny!!!!

June said...

mmm...dare I say ditto?

Invizzible Ink said...

I love reading your writing Auntie M, especially when it's about our family like Brian's wedding post and el Matadors; but when it's about pooping, I appreciate it on a different level.