Sunday, August 28, 2011

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Me...

Saturday, August 27, 2011

For my brother Steve....

Cancer is one of those diseases that does not respect age. It if did, it would only affect the elderly and it would leave the little children, teenagers, nursing mothers, middle aged cougars (cough.. cough) and newly retired folks alone.

Here's how it's supposed to go down. You're born. You toddle and tyke and pee your pants. You go to school.... 12 or more years. You marry (or not) You find your niche in the working world. You curse and swear yourself through those WAY TOO LONG WORKING YEARS. And then? Oh man.... it's heaven on earth, spelled R-E-T-I-R-E-M-E-N-T. And for those of us who wear wine-soaked rose colored glasses, we assume that those retirement years are meant to be spent in bliss. Travel. Grandchildren... Great-grandchildren if you were a early procreator (you know who you are.)

I lost my oldest brother Steve to melanoma today. Melanoma.... I laughed at your supposed danger. You're only skin cancer, you little freak. Melanoma I hate you. You deceived me and the sunscreen I wore forever. You don't give a rat's ass who you attack or how you metastasize through lungs and brains. You suck.

Breast cancer... listen up bitch. You're a pussy. I AM NOT going to go through what my brother went through. You can just SUCK IT. Find some 95 year old woman to affect..... or better yet, just die off yourself. You're not wanted here. CANCER, WE FREAKING HATE YOU.

Steve's obituary can be found here:

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Freezer Pickles (The Best Ever)

Freezer pickles for the third year in a row. Will she get it right this time? OR... are there just that many freezer pickle recipes out there to try?

Maybe she doesn't know if she wants sweet or sour. Perhaps she's somewhere in betwixt the two. And one might always wonder if she just loves using the word 'betwixt'.

In any event, ladles and germs, she indeed did get it right this time. The crispiness of the pickle has never been an issue...she nailed that the first year. The seasoning the second year was as close to "let's make a dill" as could be, but when she finally admitted that she hated talking about herself in the third person and got right down to making freezer pickles with ALL the seasonings that the freezer pickle gods use, she finally said "This is it. This is my masterpiece. This is my legacy. This pickles and tickles me and I shall never have to refer to myself as 'she' again." Also, this gives my sister-in-law, Deb, another recipe in which to use turmeric.

Freezer Pickles (for the third and final time... unless I find a better recipe)

5 pounds cucumbers, ends trimmed, unpeeled, thinly sliced
1 large sweet onion, thinly sliced
2 cups white vinegar
2 1/4 cups sugar (I used Splenda)
3 TBSP pickling salt
2 tsp celery seed
1 tsp turmeric
1 tsp dry mustard
1 tsp dried dill
2 cloves garlic, minced
Place sliced cucumbers and onions in a large bowl.

In a saucepan, heat the remaining ingredients until well blended. Let cool.

Pour sauce over cucumber/onion mixture and stir. Cover and place in refrigerator for three days, stirring once each day. Place cucumbers into freezer containers and cover with brine. Freeze for up to one year. Thaw before serving.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

(G)radiation Day!

All decked out in my pumps and circus pants, I waltzed into the cancer center to receive my last boob blast this morning and look what my 'rad' pals gave me in addition to my final radiation treatment:

I graduated! I can't go on enough regarding how professional and friendly the entire staff was during my therapy. Below are just two of the lovely ladies who helped me through this ordeal.

In return, I treated them to some Better-Than-Crack Brownies and amidst the hugs goodbye, I realized that I am doctor free for ONE WHOLE MONTH!

The light at the end of the tunnel is in full view, friends. I think I'm going to make it! And just as I was about to press the "publish this post" button, look at what hubby brought me when he came home for lunch. *swoon*